Bedtime Blues
by Kyra1
Summary: Even on the Bebop monsters lurk in every corner, and sometimes all we need is someone to frighten them away. Oneshot


**Bedtime Blues**

Even on the Bebop monsters lurk in every corner, and sometimes we all need someone to frighten them away. PG Oneshot

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It bumped.

It thumped.

It bump bump bumped inside the door. And it clawed and it clacked and it hack hack hacked its large dripping hands against the walls. Then the door jumps and Ed can see white winking at Ed, shining white teeth, rows and rows of long barreling teeth reflecting through the crack like bones. Edward bones. He'd tear and he'd tear and then slurp and burp and lick them clean till there was nothing but a sheen of bones. Edward bones.

There's the blanket slithering its way up, crawling along skin to Ed's nose, grabbing and holding Ed down for the bumper clawing and clacking behind the door.

"Ein!" I call all squeal and barely voiced, and he comes from Ed's feet. "Ein!" As though he didn't know his own name and Ed lifts him, pinching him between an elbow and arm and crawls to the end of the bed. Lowering him wiggly piggly over the end so that he click clacks with claws on the floor and Ed points all adult and without questions like Jet-person to the door. "Go see! Go look and see for Ed!"

Ein swishes his ears in that doggy way like an old antenna searching for a signal or moth wings swishing back and forth and back and forth in the wind. Then his paws edge towards the door. His head drops and he sniffs, nose twitchy twitchy. Pause. Nose twitchy twitchy.

There's a tick on the door like a claw tapping impatiently.

Tick tick.

His ears flatten and he stares. Ein does not move and Ed waits.

CRACK!

He whines and paws slip on the floor as he darts under the bed, sliding under in a 9.0 dive. Ed is under Ed's pillow in half the time it took him to reach the bed. Legs burrow under the blanket as another whine echoes from beneath the bed. Ed lifts a corner, and peeks out to the door. It shifts and shudders in its frame, a rumble-y laughter.

Then it is silent.

I raise slightly, pillow balancing on Ed's head and blink back down behind my feet at the door. "Ein! Ei-nnnn!" Though Ed calls he only whimpers, so Ed gulps in air and bolts up, slapping the pillow back down, before ripping a sheet from the bed. Ed ties it around Ed's neck all cape like and cartwheels off the bed. There beneath the bed with its skirt hanging down over his head is Ein, only nose and large brown doggy eyes poking out from beneath. "Ed will look and Ein will see how silly Ein is for hiding!" Ed says, though not really for Ein's nerves. "Ein will see! Ein will see! There is nothing there!"

Pulling the cape close Ed tippy toes towards the door and reaches for the control panel.

CRASH!

And it is Ed's turn to run, though Ed runs squealing through the bedroom door and collides with Faye-Faye, knocking her into a pile on the floor Ed tumbling down on top. I pull myself up and hug her close, shaking so badly that my bones rattle and Ed knows that the bumper clawing and clacking inside the door can hear Ed even from the hall.

"Edward!" Faye-Faye growls, hands prying and tugging at my arms that are squeezing her, hands digging into her shoulders as though I wanted to share bodies. "Let go! Ed!"

"Edward needs help!" I shriek as my hands are finally pulled away, and they ravel themselves in the sheet, twisting it around them so that they looked like candy canes.

She drops the tops of her eyes flat in that way she does when Faye-Faye doesn't want to be bothered. "Ask Jet." Then she climbs to her feet, hands sweeping at imaginary dust. Imaginary!

"No!" I cry and Ed's hands unravel from the sheet instantly and pull against hers. "Ed wants Faye-Faye to help!"

The woman glances down both sides of the hall and then drops her gaze to Edward. She watches me for minute and Ed tugs on her hand like a child at a fair wanting a treat from a vendor. "Fine…"

Ed follows Faye back into the room, and crawls on the bed, Ein hopping up beside Ed and I pull him to my lap, squeezing him close so that he makes a doggy grunt and wiggle diggles in my arms.

Standing beside Ed is Faye-Faye and the woman frowns. "What do you need Ed?"

"The clos-et!" Ed points and so does Ein, his paw lifted by one of Ed's hands. My voice drops and I lean forward, those mothy wings flattening to the dog's head and he growls with me. "There's a Bumper in there."

She doesn't say anything for a minute and the fur rubbing against my stomach shifts. Finally she smiles. "Aren't you a little old for monsters?"

"Faye-Faye! There's a Bumper!"

"Alright! Sheesh…" She turns to the closet and steps towards it mumbling. When she reaches the door, she pokes at the console, the door sliding open slightly and she leans into. "There's nothing but clothes in here Ed."

"No." Ed mumbles shaking Ed's body as well as Ed's head. "He's in there."

Reaching inside the pocket of her coat, Faye-Faye pulled out her gun and pointed it in the closet. The gun screamed three times and then Faye laughed. "Well if he's in there, he's dead now."

"Oh? Wait…"

I did not move.

"There is something in here." And suddenly Faye-Faye was pulled through the door by the Bumper. Her hands clawing at the frame to save herself, while Ed could not move, could not scream, could not do anything as my heart drummed out a cadence in Ed's mind. "Ed!" Then in one last call Faye's hand's disappeared too, and Edward knew she had been torn and shred and slurped and burped and all that would be left if she went to look was bones. Faye-Faye bones.

"There's nothing here." Faye-Faye said quite calmly, stepping out from the closet winking at Edward, and Edward growled slinging the pillow by its case across the room. "I was the scariest thing in that closet."

Tick tick.

We were still.

"What the?" Faye-Faye slowly moved her eyes to the door.

Ein hunkered lower in my lap.

Tick tick.

I whispered to no one. "The Bumper."

Something white leapt from the closet and Faye-Faye was suddenly on the bed clutching me, Ein's paws wrapped around Ed's ankle as Ed jumped with Faye. "The Bumper!" We screamed hopping and holding each other, as we waited for those shining rows of white dripping teeth to slurp and burp and lick our bones to a pile of white sheen.

Then the bedroom door opened and Jet-person and Spike-person were there in their silly striped shorts and Spike-person's hair was pointing all sorts of different ways and they both held their guns, pointed at us. From corner to corner their guns swayed searching the room as our screams slowly turned to whispers.

Letting his gun drop Spike-person gobbled. "What the hell are you two doing?"

"The monster!" Faye-Faye shrieked, pointing to the closet.

I nodded and pointed like Faye-Faye. "The Bumper!"

"Arwoo." Whined Ein and I swear Ed's eyes saw him point too.

"Monster?" They asked together.

Then at last the bumper leapt from beneath the bed.

Faye-Faye and Ed screamed. "Bumper!"

Its white claws flashed while its dark eyes glared at each of us and Ed heard it hiss. Then it leapt toward Spike-person, claws slashing as it gurgled and laughed in delight. Nails scrape scrape scraping on the floor as Spike-person fired down at it, scrambling backwards from it and the ricochet. He stumbled, sailing backwards onto the floor, head thwacking against the wall.

"Some monster." Jet-person said, squatting and lifting the Bumper by its tail. Its feet were running wildly in the air and it squeaked while its body wiggled and jiggled. The Bumper was a white mouse. "A real killer alright."

Ed dashed off the bed and leaned eye level with the mouse. "Bumper is not so bad." Then I giggled up at Jet-person. "Ed will keep him!"

"No." He said, starting out into the hallway. "He's better off outside."

"But Edward will name him Killer!"

Spike-person stood, following Jet-person out of the room. "All we need is another animal."

Jet Black was not an eavesdropper.

He had been on his way back to his room after putting Killer in one of his terrariums. It wasn't until he had gotten outside with the little fur ball that the girl's words had finally wore on his conscious, so instead of releasing the mouse outside he had went to his trees and made room for the damn thing in one of the tanks. It was, however when he was going down the hallway that he heard an uncharacteristically soft voice, and he stood just outside the door.

"Don't let the bed bugs bite."

Then.

"Sweet dreams."

Jet Black was no eavesdropper. The door had been left open and so, he rationalized, that she must not mind if anyone were to see what it was that she were doing, in fact, he was doing her a favor. She had, after all, wanted him to see. He supposed he should relax, not worry about the sight before him, but he could not help the feeling of intrusion sneaking up into the back of his mind.

Faye knelt beside Ed's bed, leaning to kiss the girl on her forward. When she stood, she ruffled the girl's hair and then looked down at her feet where the tan dog lay. For a moment she didn't move, and then she shuffled towards him and scratched one of his ears. Finally, the woman got to her feet. Turning to leave the room, she paused only slightly when she met his eyes.

He raised an eyebrow. "Where'd that come from?"

Shrugging she waved a hand flippantly. "Woman's intuition."

"Are you sure its not motherly instinct?"

"Oh please." Faye laughed as she stepped around him into the hall and pressed the door shut. Without another word she made her way passed him to her own room, calling over her shoulder just as she entered. "I'm never going to have kids."

Jet Black was also not a psychic, even if he did have a feeling that it was a lie. No. Jet Black was not a psychic, though he was hungry. And with that he turned to the kitchen laughing to himself. Pancakes. He'd cook them all pancakes.

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**AN:** Writing in Ed's point of view is extremely difficult because Ed very rarely says I. I'm not really sure what made me want to write this. I was at the pool when the idea hit and I wrote it that evening when I got back. This was only intended to be a lighthearted piece about Edward because so few people right about her. I thought it was time that she got a piece all to herself. Anyways, please let me know what you think.

Oh, I forgot. I was debating on changing the title to this. If anyone has any suggestions, then I'd love to hear them.


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